Growing in the direction of what lights you up can be intensely vulnerable and incredibly scary. It is personal. It is why you are here. And if for some reason you should fail... what then? // At least that’s what our limiting beliefs whisper in our ears. But the honest truth is that even if we numb ourselves down and live a protected life, our roots wither, our colors fade... and we choke off what is essential and vital. It’s not a life. // We all need a purpose. How convenient that we already have one. And it’s not something we consciously choose... it’s the thing that when we widen our awareness outside of our fears, keeps choosing us. // So dance. Be alive. Be vulnerable. Be courageous. Life is longing to dance with you. .
.
Art by Marco Cochrane at @renwickgallery // 📷 mine
changing yourself
Viktor Frankl was an Austrian neurologist and psychiatrist and an Auschwitz survivor. His writings focus on how we need higher purpose in our lives to be able to fully realize our potential and to to find freedom amidst whatever life throws at us. Although the adverse circumstances of my life have been nothing like a concentration camp, I have nevertheless struggled and felt suffering. We are human, after all, and that is part of our experience. And I have learned that my challenges point to all the places in me where I have blocked myself from my higher purpose. And so then I get to change myself.
rotting trees
When a tree becomes sick and rots on the inside, it may still look fine from the outside.. but one big wind can blow the whole thing down.
.
We are not so different. We go through life thinking we’re fine but any imbalance or wounds left untended make us more susceptible to the winds of life. .
Whether it’s emotional wounds or old physical ones, energy work can tend to your inner system so you can put roots down and grow tall and stand firm, whatever life throws at you... and don’t be afraid of your cracks and scars. They’re how the sky shines through. 💚
fire horse
Saturday was my birthday. It was also the weekend I embarked on a new journey of deepening my Presence in service to energy medicine and shamanism. In this, my 33rd year, I am moving into a new archetype chronologically on the medicine wheel I work with and so I drew a card of what I should be aware of in the coming year and for the weekend.
This fire horse is what I drew. It speaks to me of power and transformation. And I know that there are a lot of changes coming (when aren’t there, really?)... but these are some pretty fundamental shifts in how I have perceived the world and what is important to me and how I will live and express that.
So yes- sure enough, I had a pretty fiery weekend. Old stories got triggered, old victim mentalities became active, old wounds were felt. And in the moment, I am finding it challenging to stay grateful.
Gratitude and love are always the medicine, and sometimes they feel like the furthest thing from me. So today, I am moving gently through the world. Holding myself and my hurts close. Offering them up to my heart and my guides. Divine Love is not always comfortable. Healing is not always comfortable. But I look at how beautiful and powerful that fire horse is and I am not afraid because I know it’s what I want. I know it’s what I am.
Each moment in the fire, each sadness, each wound... none of them are a mistake. None of them are a character defect or failure. Each of them has served to clear something that no longer fit me so that I can continue to step into a life far richer than anything I could have imagined. And so, honoring the fear and resistance, I still say Yes.
growth
The other day I drew a few cards related to something that was feeling overwhelming in both its clarity and its uncertainty. One of the cards told me that where I am in this moment in relation to the issue is inviting me to reach for the stars. Then I went for a walk and saw a tree inviting me to do the same.
And over the past few days I’ve now felt more uncertain, more panicked, more doubtful and critical... and when I pause from swirling around in those thoughts and take a few deep breaths I remember how plants grow- they put down roots, then grow taller, then need deeper roots, then expand more with the nutrients the new roots grab. Humans grow similarly- we set our intentions or say yes to invitations, then then we start to expand... only unlike plants we limit ourselves with beliefs that at one point kept us safe. So as I begin to expand, I smush up against everything within me that’s holding me back. Ah, growth- you don’t always feel good. But I have a courageous lion-heart, I have developed a practice of compassion and deep breaths, and I am willing.