Saturday was my birthday. It was also the weekend I embarked on a new journey of deepening my Presence in service to energy medicine and shamanism. In this, my 33rd year, I am moving into a new archetype chronologically on the medicine wheel I work with and so I drew a card of what I should be aware of in the coming year and for the weekend.
This fire horse is what I drew. It speaks to me of power and transformation. And I know that there are a lot of changes coming (when aren’t there, really?)... but these are some pretty fundamental shifts in how I have perceived the world and what is important to me and how I will live and express that.
So yes- sure enough, I had a pretty fiery weekend. Old stories got triggered, old victim mentalities became active, old wounds were felt. And in the moment, I am finding it challenging to stay grateful.
Gratitude and love are always the medicine, and sometimes they feel like the furthest thing from me. So today, I am moving gently through the world. Holding myself and my hurts close. Offering them up to my heart and my guides. Divine Love is not always comfortable. Healing is not always comfortable. But I look at how beautiful and powerful that fire horse is and I am not afraid because I know it’s what I want. I know it’s what I am.
Each moment in the fire, each sadness, each wound... none of them are a mistake. None of them are a character defect or failure. Each of them has served to clear something that no longer fit me so that I can continue to step into a life far richer than anything I could have imagined. And so, honoring the fear and resistance, I still say Yes.