#funFebruary; post 2

Falling behind in my posting challenge, but it’s all good!

February can be a challenging time for outdoor fun – and for me, I’m discovering that fresh air is vital to me feeling balanced.

Last winter I started learning to snowboard and loved it. This has been a tricky winter for keeping up with that since it was so warm for so long and then has been rainy and icy since our one, good, big snow… but I still try and make it out.

When I went last year, I would go with a couple of friends and some of the fun was in the singing in the car and the laughter. On the slopes, I’m more in my own world so that’s more of a solitary fun and then this year, I go by myself which is a different kind of fun.

Now, even the car ride is my time to retreat from the world, from work, from social engagements – to get away. I still sing silly songs in the car, I watch birds soar over the road, I look at clouds. When I get to the slopes, I get into my gear and take off. When I went last week, the snow was deep and soft (perfect for falling on, which I still sometimes do)! It was cloudy, but generally pretty quiet. Sometimes in the lift, I would be near groups of kids all shouting and being silly, but other times there was just the sound of peoples’ skis and boards, swishing down the mountain below and the creaking of the lift chair.

Riding is a meditation for me. My mantra: trust yourself. I set off down the mountain, pushing the edges of my comfort zone as I pick up speed. Breath through fear. Trust yourself, trust your board…. If I don’t, I panic and fall over.

Last week, I really linked turns for the first time. It used to be I could start to cut one direction, then as I tried to even back out, I would overcompensate and eat snow. This time, instead of thinking about the air I was hurtling into, I thought more about the solid mountain supporting me and oriented myself that way. I stopped thinking about the moves or trying to have my feet move separately from each other and I really settled into my board, freeing up my hips and shoulders to be the ones steering. I found a rhythm. I relaxed.

There’s something about learning something new – a childlike wonder takes over. Many of us block ourselves from that with expectations or judgements about where we SHOULD be and what it SHOULD look like. When we can drop all that and become present, when we can become completely absorbed in something, there is a joy and a freedom – play. There’s also something about using our bodies in a way that requires no thought. Just breath and movement. An intuitive dance. Potentiality and energy expressed. When we find that sweet spot between strength and ease, whether on our yoga mats or off, Flow takes over and that, too, is joy and play.

How do you play in winter?

#funFebruary; post 1

As with generous January, the idea behind #funFebruary is to intentionally cultivate more of something in my life… and this time it’s play!

I would love to say that I haven’t been keeping up with my writing challenge because I’ve been so busy playing and having fun, but that wouldn’t be the whole truth. Work has been keeping me really busy. And then too much work, mixed with an overemphasis on fun led to being sick. So, here I am – and this first post will cover some of the different ‘faces of Fun’ from February so far.

At the beginning of February, I had just finished leading my first weekend-long retreat and jumped right into leading a 40 Days program. I was feeling really excited but also a little overwhelmed by everything and so I took a break from work to bake cookies – and because I used eggs from a farmer I trust and I know that the chickens are healthy… I ate plenty of raw dough along the way! There’s nothing like the smell of fresh-baked cookies coming out of the oven to brighten the day. And then giving cookies to friends who needed a little bit of a boost… even better!

I also took some time to play with silly yoga poses and fall on my face while trying to take pictures of them. It’s in these moments that I start to see how cultivating a child-like spontaneity and joy, even as an adult, brings more fun and laughter.

I have gone for walks in the sun and soaked it up, I have laughed and connected with yoga students in all the classes I taught. I Baked brownies, watched the Super Bowl with friends and ate junk food. I saw an art show with brightly colored, textured pieces that made me smile and dream of beaches. And when there were too many things going on, I dropped a couple of ‘fun’ things (like going to a winery) off my list to free up time to talk on the phone with a friend, or just sit there and stare at a wall for a few moments.

And when I felt myself getting sick, fun turned into ordering takeout, watching Netflix, and treating myself to a nice bath. It’s the feeling of falling into bed at the end of the day, tired and ready to lay down. It’s wearing warm, comfy socks and drinking tea while watching birds soar out the window. It’s getting caught up on writing. And dreaming of feeling well enough to soon go outside for a hike or a day snowboarding… depending on the weather!

I hope you find time to play. And I hope you find the play in both work and rest. Here’s to a fun February!

whether you can or you can't

If at first you face plant while waiting for the picture to be taken, try again! When I began practicing yoga, I never thought I'd be able to do these kind of poses. And some moments, I still can't! But the true reward is the joy I find whether I can or whether I can't.

#generousJanuary; post 7

(I know it’s not technically January anymore, but I’ve got one more January that wants written and the last week has just been so crazy, I couldn’t get it done until now).

Pssst. Kate. Lean in closer. I don’t want to raise my voice in case Mind overhears and starts to freak out…. But you know the life you always wanted to live? The things you always thought you’d do someday… when you were smarter, better prepared, more experienced, more worthy? Well… don’t look now, but…. you’re already doing them. And you’re not perfect and you make mistakes and you’re human so you still sometimes feel hurt, angry, disappointed. But that hasn’t stopped you. And everything you do is better because of it. Keep going. I love you.

– Heart

As I lay in bed on the second night of my first weekend-long retreat, this message came to me. And I did freak out a little. And I cried a little – some of it happy, some of it fearful. You see, living a life of total accountability for yourself is scary as sh*t. And it’s also mindblowingly amazing.

This last weekend at the retreat, I did make mistakes. I realized part way through the first full day that everything I had planned was totally wrong for the group I had in front of me. So I threw it all out the window, admitted I didn’t quite know where to go from there, asked them what they wanted, and started over. And because I was nervous, when I started over, I threw too much info at them in a way that wasn’t organized for ideal effectiveness. But this isn’t Ideal Land – it’s MessyLovingBeautifullyAuthentic Land and in this land, it’s all OK. In fact, it’s better than OK. It’s perfect.

You see, when I planned the retreat, I had an agenda and it came from my head. Luckily, I’ve been practicing speaking and listening more from my heart, so when I was advertising for the retreat, I attracted the people who wanted the exact message I was most passionate about. Which means that when I asked them what they wanted, their answers were what I am most suited to give. And so, without knowing that that’s what they were doing, they brought me back to myself. And in that moment of true, heartfelt connection and vulnerability, I found more clarity in my voice and my purpose.

What an incredible gift to be given.

There is a Sanskrit word adikara, which Deborah Adele explains as meaning “the right to know or the right to have.” She fleshes this concept out in conjunction with asteya (non-stealing; the third yama laid out by Patanjali in the Yoga Sutras): if we want something, we need to build the competency to prove we are able to handle having it. In order to practice non-stealing in our lives, we must be capable of holding what we ask for and receive. Although not as many people signed up for this retreat as I would have liked, if looking at it from a monetary/abundance perspective, I knew that this experience and these trusted women, were meant to happen for me to feel safe building competency.

There is still refining and training to do with my voice. And I will make more mistakes. And I will get better each time. But I left with an unbelievably powerful gift and I am unbelievably grateful for these three women who generously gave me their love, their belief in me, their patience and constructive feedback, and their willingness to go deep – with authenticity and vulnerability. And I acknowledge myself, for a generosity of spirit and love that cooked delicious meals for us all, taught five varied and genuinely responsive yoga classes over the course of the weekend, and facilitated conversations about our lives’ challenges and lessons and how we can put our yoga into action, to meet them with deeper grace and acceptance and love.

#generousJanuary; post 6

Early last week I stopped by the gas station to fill up before the big storm, but blocking my way in was a man, pushing his car up the hill and into the station. My instinct was to leap out and help him, but my car was in the middle of a fairly busy road and I was afraid to leave it there. As I looked around desperately for a solution, two other young men (who had their cars safely parked) came running over to help him.

Connection among strangers. How beautiful.

Afterwards, one young man walked away and went about the rest of his day. The other one stayed and chatted with the young man who owned the broken down car for a little while. Maybe he was making sure the other could get the help he needed with his car. Maybe they were talking about something unrelated. Either way, I’m sure the connection they had affected the rest of their day in some small way.

Generosity as a way of connecting with strangers.

After the snow storm, I saw more of that. Suddenly, people were out of their houses, out of their cars, and we were talking, shoveling, connecting over the snow and the challenges. The barriers that usually exist between all of us were down and what loomed in front of us was what we have in common, larger even than the ways in which we’re different.

So, deeper even than putting yourself in the shoes of another: can you let them be other and see yourself in them. They may not have the same experiences as you, their perceptions of the world my be different, their body and history are their own… but there is something in another, when we look and listen for it, that is us. And there are moments (usually crises) where it becomes easier to see our hearts vibrating as one. And in that moment, we are moved to acts of generosity.

Now that the roads are clearing and businesses are starting to reopen, there will most likely be some contraction and competition. People will be fighting over shoveled out spots. We will once again retreat into our houses, our offices, our cars and The Others will become these nameless, faceless beings that seem to our egos to be between us and contentment.

Opening and closing, like each beat of the heart, like each breath, is natural. But I choose to try and see what we have in common, along with honoring the ways in which we’re different. I choose the generous act of love of strangers as myself. I choose to let heart-felt connection lead to generous acts. And on days when I am contracted and I can’t find the commonalities, I choose to let small, kind acts serve to bring me back to connection.