Attitude of Gratitude: day 23-30

Where I often spend Thanksgiving is pretty rustic with no internet. The smart phone I got a little over a year ago has changed that for me and I'm no longer quiet as 'disconnected'... but it's still lovely to have an excuse to not check email or post to my website. These things are possible, but slightly annoying on a phone, so I practice my connection in other, more solitary ways. I take my camera with me and record for myself. It also means I can later update you on what I saw and was grateful for:

1. Waking up on a lazy morning with nowhere to be and nothing to do.

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2. Feeling the sun and quiet while meditating without any of the pressure to 'get started with the rest of my day.'

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3. A cozy fire in the fireplace and a relaxed study buddy.

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4. Abundance in food and family with lots of love and laughter and nourishment and an awareness and gratitude for where this food comes from and everything that went into growing it and preparing it for me to eat.

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5. Sun coming out after several days of rain, providing warmth and a different light in which to see things.

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6. A walk in the woods and my grandma's stories of elves and gnomes and magic echoing through my head.

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7. Messages left for us by nature... if we're listening in.

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8. Familiar spaces and all the memories that go with them. A sense of history and connection without obligation or attachment.

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9. Cozy shelter, surrounded by plenty of fresh air and wide-open spaces. Home and wild, all rolled into one - just the way I like it. And gratitude for the love of others that keeps it maintained and enjoyable.

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10. Trees that teach us to root down, stand tall, grow upwards, bend with the wind, die to be reborn. There is something beautiful in how they stand and yet flow.

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Coming out of this holiday and this month of gratitude, I know I have much to be thankful for everyday. I hope you had a wonderful celebration and as the focus now turns to gifts and giving, I hope you find it in you to give to those who challenge you, to love those you're not always sure you're able to (especially yourself), and to receive all that the Universe wants you to be open to. This is a time of unrest in our country. May we all be a listening ear, even when we think we 'know' and may we stand like a tree or a mountain, in the name of Love, when it comes to what is right.

Wild Sacred Journey: day 7

Today was sunny and blustery and a great day for soaring. At least, that's what the buzzards told me. Surely you've felt it to: that swooping feeling in the pit of your stomach when a big gust of wind blows past and around you. Did you know buzzards can actually see air currents? Although they have powerful wings, they prefer to soar, without flapping, and so they ride those currents around in the sky - demonstrating what it means to 'go with the flow' and achieve great results with a minimum of effort and a decided lack of struggle. What powerful reminders for me, as I teach and prepare for a forty-day program that starts Monday. Freedom through ease. Yes, please!

The leaves were crunchy, the air was frisky, the sun was strong, and it was a perfect day for rolling. At least, that's what the dog told me. Fully present and fully expressive of his inner joy - through his body. How do you express your joy? Do you allow yourself spontaneous, physical expressions of it? Or is it through words? Everything we feel, everything we think, everything we experience lands in our body in some way. If we do not give full expression to it and allow it to pass through (yes, even the good stuff) that energy gets stuck and we become less present and more likely to manifest dis-ease. So today, I was right there with that dog: rolling and doing yoga poses and expressing joy. But I express to let go because who knows what this next moment might bring and presence brings peace more than trying to hold on... even to what feels good.

Wild Sacred Journey: day 6

(This photo was found online. Not sure who to credit it with... but I am sure it is not mine)

Yesterday, I told myself I didn't know what to say for day 6. It was a lie. And I knew it, even as I told myself that. It just took a little while for me to own exactly what it is I needed to share. Why? Because the more we get close to truth of who we are, the scarier it is to put it out there. We have these voices inside us that say: what if no one understands? Worse, what if they understand and don't like it or mock it?

There is something about unveiling the sacredness of who we are for the world to see that risks diminishing it. Risks letting it become profane. But isn't it also the beauty of this journey: uncovering our memories of things that are less tangible and then seeking to express them, here on Earth, in a denser form? The only form that truly allows for manifestation? Isn't that what this wild sacred journey is about?

So what is it that feels so scary and vulnerable for me to share?

My journey within the past year has been one of rediscovering and healing my connection to the Divine Feminine. And not a moment too soon. Whatever our differing views on how to solve the world's crises, I think it's safe to say that we can all agree we are in a crisis. And in fear, we may seek to blame others outside of ourselves or things outside of our perceived control. But the more I walk my path, the more it becomes clear to me that we have disconnected from the femininity of our source and we are all paying the price. This Divine Feminine exists in everything. She exists in all creatures, in rocks, in trees, in water, in the sky. She exists in children, in men, in women, and in those who do not identify as either/or. But we live in a world that prizes boundaries, logic, numbers, power, linear progress, and concrete reality over water, flow, creativity, vulnerability, and the magic of the inexplicable. And so, while we also need these more 'masculine' traits to keep us balanced, we need to shed our shame and fear of weakness and starting speaking about our experiences that sometimes defy words, too.

This process for me has taken on many forms, but one of them has been a re-commitment to fostering creativity in my life. And it has been a journey of learning to challenge the voices in my head that say: who are you to create? You're not an artist! Your work isn't any good! You don't have the genius for it... But creativity is the realm of our Divine Feminine. It is what she is here for: to nurture and birth into Being all possibilities and inspirations that long to be made manifest. Maybe it's a painting, or a dance, or a piece of music. Maybe it's a new scientific idea, or a new business. Maybe it's a new flavor of ice cream or a new tool that will revolutionize gardening. Maybe it's making a stunningly silly video that goes viral on Youtube, making people laugh and also leaving them wondering who thought that was a good idea?! Human ingenuity is unbelievably beautiful, when offered from the heart. And it doesn't need to be important. It doesn't even need to be seen or shared. It just needs to be created.

I am currently doing a 30-day creative writing program. And what I wrote yesterday is very different from anything I've written before. It took three tries that were clunky and wordy before I finally allowed this one to flow out. And I love it. And I'm scared of it. And I had no intention of sharing it. So, in honor of this wild and sacred journey, in honor of vulnerability and freedom of expression, in honor of the possibility that my walk might inspire someone else, and in honor of our Divine Feminine... here it is:

On nights when the moon is full, I have sex with moon snakes.
All day, I feel my wild wolf belly starting to open sleepy eyes and stretch inside me
Then, finally, the moment when I turn my lights off and hear the faintest echo of a howl
    - part anticipation, part celebration
bouncing around in my ribs.

Crawling across my bed, I peak through the gauzy curtain to invite my moon lover in
Her beauty never ceases to take my breath away
The wild wolf in my belly bares its teeth in a smile.

Her light the white blue of an old lady’s hair
drifts through my window
and lands beside me in bed
where the purity of it throbs in my belly and sheds some of my own, darker density
so that my bare flesh takes on her glow as my twin moons rise,
driven upward by a back arched to meet her
and a willingness to love, heart forward.

Beside me, her light condenses into a serpentine form,
curling around the mountains and valleys of the sheets
like a river that flows away from the sea
reversing course
her coolness slipping inside
being drawn back into the mossy grotto
and then back to the womb of the Earth
where she pools, now liquid in form
coiled and ready to slide all the way up my spine
to be sighed out in pleasure
 - a winged offering, soaring back towards the moon in her night sky
becoming a new star.

 

Wild Sacred Journey: day 4

Some days are filled with precious treats that may not look like much to another person. I am coming to learn that it all depends on your perspective. Are you looking for magic, miracles, and treasure? Are you seeing what's in front of you with wondrous and gratitude-filled eyes?

This morning, I was surprised by a beautiful English rose, still closed and smelling delicately. Gifted to me from a garden and a heart. It is so fragile and delicate that just looking at it brought me back to all that is worth loving and caring for in this world. Throughout today, it has slowly opened, becoming more fragrant and yet even more vulnerable... more fragile. And that makes it precious and noteworthy, all at the same time.

Then, later this afternoon, I was gifted a piece of the first harvest of ginger - also a gift from the garden, watered and fertilized with love, given from the heart. There are few things more precious and miraculous than fresh ginger. If you've never had a chance to have some, you're missing out! Ginger takes a long time to grow. You plant it in soil, deep down, and then wait until you give up all hope it will grow... and only then will you start to see shoots. Then it takes more time and more care. But when you harvest it, it is tender - no need to peel, no stringy quality. Just crunchy, sharp flavored, with beautiful colors of yellow, pink, and green, covered in a glorious coat of dirt.

Today is one of those days - filled with small gifts that ripple out much larger than they are because of the love, care, and tenderness they represent. And I see them because I choose to look for wonder and miracles, with gratitude.

Welcome to your Wild Sacred Journey (day 1)

As we can all agree, life is a journey and it takes us places that were unexpected. When I started Fertile Ground Yoga about three years ago, I used a free website because I had no overhead and wasn't even sure this was all going to work. I was coming out of an 8-month period where I had to move every two months. I was only teaching a few classes. I doubted myself and my ability to do this.... whatever this was. 2013 was ending and 2014 was beginning and I took a leap of faith.

The journey of these last few years has brought me to a place I would never have imagined. I have now been supporting myself solely teaching yoga for a little over a year. I am teaching about 10 classes per week (give or take a few). I have led workshops, daylong retreats, and even several weekend-long retreats. I set my schedule. I maintain my website. I come up with material and try and network... when I remember to. It has been challenging and rewarding and so many other things. Every part of running this business has brought up my limiting beliefs. And I have faced some deep-seated fears about finances and being good enough. And I have grown: in confidence, in scope, in experience.

Last Fall, I answered a call from deep within that I hadn't even known I had and began a two-year Integrative Energy Medicine Training. As I began, a little voice inside me knew that this program and saying 'yes' to this new path on my journey would cause me to outgrow the Fertile Ground of my original business. I was right. It has taken a year of being present to the ever-increasing clarity of who I am and what message I am walking on this Earth, but at this time but I am finally ready to announce my new business name: Wild Sacred Journey.

In all of this change, I am still me. In fact, I am more me than I have been in a while. And my hope for this journey is that is brings me back, again and again, to being more myself. I have reached deeper places of knowing the limitless, sacred spirit that resides in this body, And I have reached deeper levels of compassion for the limited-but-still-wondrous human form that I have for walking this journey. And I have a stronger connection to the wild heart that holds space for the intersection of these two truths. Yoga is a journey of going deeper and deeper into ourselves to find the hidden treasures of this life, and what's the secret to growth and cultivation and fertile soil, but this wild, wondrous, sacred journey.

I hope you will continue to join me in practices, meditations, retreats, and other offerings. Information about me can now be found at wildsacredjourney.com

For the month of October, I am celebrating this change by posting one blog a day of something I saw or heard or experienced that reminds me I am on a wild sacred journey. Join me?